Three exclamation points

Source unknown.

"Amanda," my very dear college writing teacher said, her tone almost sizzling with exasperation, "You only get three exclamation points for your entire life! Use them sparingly." (I just used hers, not mine.)  I had written something, probably a seminar paper, on some exciting topic, or I should probably say, some topic I found exciting.

Every sentence was an exclamation. Excitement bubbled through me, and I couldn't figure out how to convey the motion, the enjoyment of whatever topic onto paper, without the punctuation mark.

I think she was trying to point out that if everything is an exclamation, then everything has the same weight. It's all the same level of noise. It's like playing forte or wearing bright colors all the time. The absence of joy, excitement, pure beauty makes all those things much sweeter.

In general, I am an excitable person. Anytime I start to go on about some new whatever, D's cousin waits for a comedic pause and jokes,  "Is this your favorite?" Not my "new favorite," but a favorite. Things should be relished, tastes and words rolled on the tongue, sounds repeated, views captured. Life's too short to not press joy out the mundane. I have a lot of favorites.

Everything's kind of become beige this last year. In those frantic moments of realization (you can't keep travelling, you can't move to Austin and take care of duck, you can't go into the mountains much), my favorite things kept getting shifted from daily happenings to unhappenings.

Deep into it, my brain some how turned off its exclamation points. Zest turned into zilch. I didn't notice it at first.



The internal energy, the fire smoldered to ashes, and the heaviness of swelling and grieving grew into the new normal. I feel fire now. Each moment is punctuated with exclamation marks.

That new tabletop game! Favorite! Walking to find Christmas lights! Favorite! Bean soup like my mom's! Favorite! Swimming! Favorite!  D! Favorite! Spontaneous hug from E! Favorite!

As the fluid gets pumped from me, as circulation returns, my brain wakes up, and my soul remembers the electricity of flow. Life is motion. The time for treading water is at an end.

2013 was a hard year. It filled its self with so much waiting and loss. Punctuated with joy, it was just kind enough and just sweet enough to make me grow and learn. My biggest lessons:

1. I don't get to pick where the wind blows!
2. I am stronger and more resilient than I know!
3. I will adapt!

This year, I will take for myself and for D. It will be one of learning to live life without pressure, but with motion and energy. So here's to 2014! Who counts exclamation points, anyways, and who knows what I'll learn? I've got a whole year to figure it out :)

Happy early New Year! How was 2013 for you? Did you learn anything? What do you want to learn next year?

Happy New Year!