We flew home, and I have spent some time holding her, counting her toes, watching her chest rise and fall, and smiling at odd moments thinking about her. Thursday, we gathered at some of my best friends' home. A large extended urban family bound by blood and choice and waited. My two young god daughters so excited to welcome Ducky into the clan.
In between laughs, stories, sips of liquids, adult and otherwise, I hung with my two girls. The oldest, Rose, snuggled next to me, I reveled in the connection of love built pat by pat, song by song, diaper by diaper, when I cared for a "Ducky-sized" baby Roselet. Her sister, I know less well, a year is an eternity of time when you're almost 6, but I love just as much.
In a quiet moment, when her sister was off busy, Sunshine, asked me, "Do you love me, as much as you love Rose?" I said, "Yes, I love you both with all my heart." A breath, two. "Do you love me and Rose as much as you love Ducky?" "Yes, with all my heart."
It's a crazy thing, but when Rose was born, I didn't know I would love her with all my heart. I didn't know I needed her. She came into my life, just when I needed unconditional baby love and trust the most. Rose settled into my heart and made room for herself. When Sunshine came along, she settled in too. Before Ducky was even here, I could feel my heart expanding in my chest. That hollow feeling of first love settled next to the place that is just for Sunshine and Rose.
Babies know only to trust and love. Because this is all they know, with most people, they get love and trust back. They have limited skills, but all the capacity in the world to become anything. I hope that these girls become something: astronauts, presidents, chemists, CEOs, whatever they want to become. First and foremost though, I hope they always stay agents of love.
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